back again! i know, so soon, right?! since it’s the new year and everyone at this point is either sticking to their resolutions or slowly starting to fall off the wagon, i wanted to discuss what i planned at the beginning of the year:
i, myself, didn’t make actual resolutions. i always make them, never follow through, and then beat myself up for failing. i didn’t want that to happen this year. this year i decided that i was going to set goals for myself.. attainable goals. not goals like lose 90 lbs (which was my goal when i started bfl last summer). my only real goal is to stay healthy and be comfortable in my own skin, if 90 lbs come off in that process, so be it.
like i’ve said before, i don’t want to be a size 2, and i may never be a size 8, but I know that i DO want to feel comfortable, whatever the jean size says, instead of a larger number dictating my own perception of myself. i don’t want washboard abs, i just want a flat stomach, no jiggle when i wave, and maybe a gap in between my legs.
i hate that between society making plus sizes smaller and smaller and my dad critiquing everything about me, i never feel good about myself. i want to break away from all of that and love me for me, from now on; who cares what ANYONE says, except me; i know i shouldn’t. if i mess up on a non-free day, oh well; i will learn from that mistake and do better. i won’t give up and binge for the next week, like i’m so good at doing.
this post may not make sense and may be all over the place, but this is what’s been running through my head since jan 1st hit. No, i haven’t completed all the insanity workouts that i should have by now, but guess what? i’m doubling up on my workouts so i don’t fall past the end date i set out with. i don’t have a set number of pounds i want to lose by summer, because who knows how much fat i will lose and how much muscle i will gain?
i have already kicked my terrible habit of stepping on the scale morning and night. i love it! as long as i know i am eating the right choices, i will get to my goal! if it takes me all year, that’s okay with me. i just DON’T want to fall off like i always do; in the past when i fall of the wagon, i end up giving myself the biggest guilt trip ever which leads to binging. no more of that!
i think this is enough for today. if i bored or rambled you to death, i’m not sorry.. this post was more for me than anyone else. to reassure myself that i CAN and WILL do this. i want to live a long healthy life and i don’t want to be critical of my figure anymore. THAT is my goal this year. no new year’s resolutions.